no one ever likes me as much as i like them and that’s it
growing up means realizing a lot of your old friends are assholes
Some of the best pickup lines I’ve used so far:
- If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?
- If beauty were time, you’d be an eternity.
- Are you a robot? Cause I’d like to turn you on.
- I need a map. I keep getting lost in your eyes.
- Do I know you? Cause you look like the man I want to marry.
- I lost my horse. Can I ride you instead?
AND THEN I GOT THIS ONE IN RETURN
- Here, could you hold this for me while I go for a walk? *holds out hand*
FUCK THAT’S CUTE
Honestly ignoring me is the worst thing you can do to me.
So my dad has this new idea: Take this wonderful wasabi thing
Turn it into beautiful, small rectangles, wrap it in laminated paper and put it in a trident box, so that it’ll look like this:
Give it to someone when they ask you for gum and watch as their mouth burns. Enjoy.
i have no compassion for slow walkers
but its funny how we hate ourselves but then we see other people hating themselves and we’re like nO NO DONT DO THAT NO
reasons to date me:
5: please lol